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PARAPROSDOKIAN – A paraprosdokian ( /pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is wordplay where the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret an earlier part. A really good example where the word “right” changes meaning as the sentence is completed;
0.1
War doesn’t determine who is right only who is left.
Now in common use the word is from an unknown author possibly 19th century, who mashed up the Greek for παρά (para, “against”) and προσδοκία (prosdokia, “expectation”). There is a lot of criticism of the words origins by purists and despite being in common use, it has not yet been added to a paper dictionary.
0.2
If I agreed with them we’d all be wrong!
It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists such as Groucho Marx;
0.3
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
The best paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of semantic zeugma or syllepsis like this one from Oscar Wilde.
0.4
Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.
Some paraprosdokians are based on well known aphorisms and are all the more pithy because of it.
0.5
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Read on and see if you can spot the difference between simple, funny, one liners and actual paraprosdokians;
0.6
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Paraprosdokians
Paraprosdokians

Bill Liao Paraprosdokians

Bill Liao | 227 items | 66742 views

List of funny paraprosdokians for you to add to rank and share. Many have been added to a new book http://bit.ly/Paraprosdokians A paraprosdokian ( /pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is wordplay where the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret an earlier part. A really good example where the word "right" changes meaning as the sentence is completed;

Source: http://www.paraprosdokianfun.com

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  1. 1. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

    The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

    Einstein

  2. 5. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

    The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
  3. 6. If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Andretti

    If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Andretti

    Laugh out loud at these carefully collected, witty, wise, fun and funny paraprosdokian sentences you can copy & share!

    Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

  4. 7. A problem is really only a fact that someone is resisting.

    A problem is really only a fact that someone is resisting.

    Laugh out loud at these carefully collected, witty, wise, fun and funny paraprosdokian sentences you can copy & share!

    Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

  5. 8. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

    He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

    Zsa zsa Gabore
    www.1x.cm

  6. 10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

    A Paraprosdokian Sentence from the big list at www.parapraodokianfun.com

  7. 13. Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

    Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
  8. 17. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  9. 19. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

    A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

  10. 21. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  11. 23. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

    If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
  12. 24. Chuang Tzu said...

    Chuang Tzu said...

    "Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness."

    Found : http://www.paraprosdokianfun.com/

  13. 25. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

    Groucho Marx Paraprosdokian

View more lists from Bill Liao
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle’s.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A woman’s place is in charge.

Well my days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle.

Build it and they will complain.

The most important social element in modern computer game development is probably still beer.

I’m interested in nothing, with the right story I can make almost anything from it.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren’t quick enough.

She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.

Some people are like Slinkies not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Children should be seen and not herded.~

Two wrongs don’t make a right, three lefts do.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

Free and fair elections are the mainstay of modern democracy, the only downside is that after the votes are counted a politician wins.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Buy two get one tree.~

Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Womens rights impress me as much as their lefts.

I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The practice of mindfulness may show you whats so, further enlightenment will show you, so what.

Humanity has achieved, abiding love, peace, progress, truth, beauty, glory, enlightenment and tolerance, on paper.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

They had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, their powers of speach.

If you’re telekinetic raise my hand.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Pet spiders are cheaper to buy off the web.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Speed up your smartphone, throw it out a 10th story window.

A broken pencil is pointless.

We don’t stop playing because we grow old we grow old because we stop playing.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

We can repair what your husband fixed.

Newton stayed up all night puzzling the movement of the sun then it dawned on him.

The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.

You are what you eat, may contains nuts.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Where there’s a will there are relatives.

I hate to say “I told you so” so I am going to shout it really loud.

A bad banker quickly loses interest.

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You cannot be a hero without being a coward.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Strong emotions are stupid and should be hated.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says in an emergency, notify, I put “A DOCTOR.”

A banker will always lend you an umbrella on a sunny day.

Atheism is always not for prophet.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

The saying ‘Getting there is half the fun’ became obsolete with the advent of budget airlines.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of the train.

If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised.

Never leave till tomorrow what you can immediately forget.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

You’re not yourself today it’s nice.

The crows seemed to be calling his name,’ thought Caw.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

I sleep eight hours a day. And at least ten at night.

Well, I’m having a great day. Woke up this morning, got out of bed, went to the bathroom. In that order!

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of BS.

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

If the enemy is in range remember so are you.

If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.

If you see a man running from a tiger run faster than he does, you can’t outrun the tiger and you really don’t have to.

I had beautiful wives, every one beautiful, talented and now rich.

I don’t know why they told me I’m innumerate, it doesn’t add up.

I live in my own little world, they know me here.

One thing you mustn’t miss when you visit Launceston is the plane.

I don’t do drugs anymore, I get the same effect just standing up these days.

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

Of course men can multitask, we read in the bathroom.

Growing old is tough not growing old is worse.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

To keep fit my grandmother walks five miles a day, she’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Laughter is the best medicine, if you don’t have insurance.

I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight.

Clothes maketh the man, naked people have little or no influence at all.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I can’t thank you enough, you’re never bloody happy are you?

Take my wife—please.

I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.

To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a computer.

Experts know more and more about less and less till they know absolutely everything about nothing.

Todays computers are so fast they can screw up a billion times a second.

Nothing is possible, I’ve been doing it for years.

I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.

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