Home



Buy the book

Buy me to give a friend a laugh!

PARAPROSDOKIAN – A paraprosdokian ( /pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is wordplay where the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret an earlier part. A really good example where the word “right” changes meaning as the sentence is completed;
0.1
War doesn’t determine who is right only who is left.
Now in common use the word is from an unknown author possibly 19th century, who mashed up the Greek for παρά (para, “against”) and προσδοκία (prosdokia, “expectation”). There is a lot of criticism of the words origins by purists and despite being in common use, it has not yet been added to a paper dictionary.
0.2
If I agreed with them we’d all be wrong!
It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists such as Groucho Marx;
0.3
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
The best paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of semantic zeugma or syllepsis like this one from Oscar Wilde.
0.4
Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.
Some paraprosdokians are based on well known aphorisms and are all the more pithy because of it.
0.5
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Read on and see if you can spot the difference between simple, funny, one liners and actual paraprosdokians;
0.6
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
1

One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not.

Oct 07, 2012
Paraprosdokians | One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not.

Alexandre Dumas

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 21737
Paraprosdokians | To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A Paraprosdokian Sentence from the big list at www.parapraodokianfun.com

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 20386
Paraprosdokians | Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 18599
Paraprosdokians | Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

A Paraprosdokian Sentence from the big list at www.parapraodokianfun.com

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 18146
Paraprosdokians | Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Http://www.paraprosdokianfun.com

Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 20161
Paraprosdokians | Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A Paraprosdokian Sentence from the big list at www.parapraodokianfun.com
9

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Oct 07, 2012
Paraprosdokians | The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
10

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Oct 10, 2012
Paraprosdokians | Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
11

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Sep 09, 2012
Paraprosdokians | The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

A Paraprosdokian Sentence from the big list at www.parapraodokianfun.com

Sep 18, 2012 - 1x.cm - 21729
Paraprosdokians | If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Andretti

Laugh out loud at these carefully collected, witty, wise, fun and funny paraprosdokian sentences you can copy & share!

Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

13

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Oct 21, 2012
Paraprosdokians | In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Abraham Lincoln
www.paraprosdokianfun.com

14

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Sep 09, 2012
Paraprosdokians | I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 21059
Paraprosdokians | Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Http://www.paraprosdokianfun.com

Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

19

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Oct 06, 2012
Paraprosdokians | Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Einstein

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 18594
Paraprosdokians | The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.
Http://www.paraprosdokianfun.com
Supporting
WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com
Oct 01, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 19715
Paraprosdokians | A problem is really only a fact that someone is resisting.

Laugh out loud at these carefully collected, witty, wise, fun and funny paraprosdokian sentences you can copy & share!

Supporting WeForest.org and CoderDojo.com

22

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Oct 09, 2012
Paraprosdokians | Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
23

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Oct 10, 2012
Paraprosdokians | He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Zsa zsa Gabore
www.1x.cm

Sep 09, 2012 - paraprosdokianfun.com - 21056
Paraprosdokians | A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle’s.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A woman’s place is in charge.

Well my days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle.

Build it and they will complain.

The most important social element in modern computer game development is probably still beer.

I’m interested in nothing, with the right story I can make almost anything from it.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.

I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren’t quick enough.

She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.

Some people are like Slinkies not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Children should be seen and not herded.~

Two wrongs don’t make a right, three lefts do.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

Free and fair elections are the mainstay of modern democracy, the only downside is that after the votes are counted a politician wins.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Buy two get one tree.~

Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Womens rights impress me as much as their lefts.

I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The practice of mindfulness may show you whats so, further enlightenment will show you, so what.

Humanity has achieved, abiding love, peace, progress, truth, beauty, glory, enlightenment and tolerance, on paper.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

They had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, their powers of speach.

If you’re telekinetic raise my hand.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Pet spiders are cheaper to buy off the web.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Speed up your smartphone, throw it out a 10th story window.

A broken pencil is pointless.

We don’t stop playing because we grow old we grow old because we stop playing.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

We can repair what your husband fixed.

Newton stayed up all night puzzling the movement of the sun then it dawned on him.

The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.

You are what you eat, may contains nuts.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Where there’s a will there are relatives.

I hate to say “I told you so” so I am going to shout it really loud.

A bad banker quickly loses interest.

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You cannot be a hero without being a coward.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Strong emotions are stupid and should be hated.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says in an emergency, notify, I put “A DOCTOR.”

A banker will always lend you an umbrella on a sunny day.

Atheism is always not for prophet.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

The saying ‘Getting there is half the fun’ became obsolete with the advent of budget airlines.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of the train.

If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised.

Never leave till tomorrow what you can immediately forget.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

You’re not yourself today it’s nice.

The crows seemed to be calling his name,’ thought Caw.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

I sleep eight hours a day. And at least ten at night.

Well, I’m having a great day. Woke up this morning, got out of bed, went to the bathroom. In that order!

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of BS.

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

If the enemy is in range remember so are you.

If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.

If you see a man running from a tiger run faster than he does, you can’t outrun the tiger and you really don’t have to.

I had beautiful wives, every one beautiful, talented and now rich.

I don’t know why they told me I’m innumerate, it doesn’t add up.

I live in my own little world, they know me here.

One thing you mustn’t miss when you visit Launceston is the plane.

I don’t do drugs anymore, I get the same effect just standing up these days.

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

Of course men can multitask, we read in the bathroom.

Growing old is tough not growing old is worse.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

To keep fit my grandmother walks five miles a day, she’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Laughter is the best medicine, if you don’t have insurance.

I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight.

Clothes maketh the man, naked people have little or no influence at all.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I can’t thank you enough, you’re never bloody happy are you?

Take my wife—please.

I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.

To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a computer.

Experts know more and more about less and less till they know absolutely everything about nothing.

Todays computers are so fast they can screw up a billion times a second.

Nothing is possible, I’ve been doing it for years.

I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *